playing the waiting game.

Whate'er my God ordains is right,
Holy His will abideth.
I will be still whate'er He does,
And follow where He guideth.
He is my God, though dark my road.
He holds me that I shall not fall,
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

I'm still here. Still waiting. Waiting is all I do nowadays. I thought of Hugh Grant's character, Will, in 'About a Boy' yesterday while I was writing (somewhere else)..

'I find the key is to think of a day as units of time, each unit consisting of no more than thirty minutes. Full hours can be a little bit intimidating and most activities take about half an hour. Taking a bath: one unit, watching countdown: one unit, web-based research: two units, exercising: three units, having my hair carefully disheveled: four units. It's amazing how the day fills up, and I often wonder, to be absolutely honest, if I'd ever have time for a job; how do people cram them in?'

And that's what I did. Went for a bike ride: one unit, oiled and cleaned said bike: one unit, showered and checked email and ate breakfast: 2 units, think of what to do with blueberries that I picked the day before: 1 unit... etc. I also did other things. but honestly, putting together a list of things I take units to do probably takes about a unit too. and it's too much work. :)

Now I'm going to have blueberry pancakes as my slave toils away in the kitchen to make them for me. yum. Ok I should go help. cheerio everyone.

you've got a fast car, is it fast enough so we can fly away?

So in a surprising turn of events, I am left clinging on to the US by a strand. I have an interview on Tuesday. After wrestling so long back and forth about what I want and where God is calling me, and what difficult directions friends and family and pushing and pulling me in... I don't know how I feel about it. It's not the dream job, and I don't even know if I fit well into it. But I got to go into that interview wanting it. (besides, anyone who knows me knows that I have no dream job. because I have no dreams. I don't think being a rock star counts... because there are dreams and then there are dreams.)

Where do you go, what do you think, when everything just seems like... rojak?

Confusion is nothing new. So I guess I'm left here.. waiting for ma laundry, wanting to sleep. trying to read white papers but really not getting a hold of anything. Did I mention that I had a kickass day? The Newport Jazz Festival was the bomb. and everyone was so amazing. Hiromi = awesome. just sayin. Watching her makes me feel like laughing and crying all at once. Also 23-going-on-24 year old Esperanza Spalding (who btdubs became a professor at Berklee at 20) was so cool. Plus the old school jazz band Branford Marsalis quartet. Makes for a wonderful day of fun- (and sun-) filled entertainment. And I love fun in the sun. Especially after working an almost 40-hour work week at the butcher shop (which I am officially done with too). If I was a smidgen talented, I'd do the whole starving artist thing. Aye. Instead I'm going to go look at pharmaceutical numbers now.

Hey, but a plan for my career and life is forming. Slowly. Let's see what idea incubation and forced dreaming begets.