but what of the wretched hollow.

so. the world just keeps on spinning. days sort of blend together, I'm studying hard and I think getting somewhere. I think I'll be able to face the exam having tried, at least. Cos the mantra is always, try your best. when i study like this, the last place i want to be is in the office. or at a client engagement course (which I'm at for the rest of the week). Cos my mind... it cant focus on so many things! If it wants to study, it wants to study and do the best darn job at studying... and not have to worry about working. And well, if it wants to work, then.. it doesn't want to study. because, well work can take up almost all the time i have.

plus it just feels wrong to study without a wall of windows and nothing but sky outside beckoning you to come play. some days i miss it.

so this is what it's like. to 'settle' into the pace of work. I am getting pastier and pastier everyday. and i can feel myself getting boring. HA. like it's the extra weight that you put on.. i'm getting heavier. w boringness. Not that I try hard not to be... it's just easier to be boring. You know how as a kid you don't understand why people get old and get unfun? I know now how one gets unfun. you dont have time or the energy to be fun. to find the fun. this is sad. because also, there's almost no one to blame.

maybe i'll be less boring after my exam.

I'm very excited about the end of June and going to new places and humptydumpty plopping in Singaland! I just wish I could take leave off life. and just... concentrate on playing for a little bit. Which I am doing. hur. I just want to not have to think about other things. Just one thing at a time please!

HOKAY. whinefest is over. Please return to your seats for the second half of the show. It promises to wow the audience with sensational showmanship. It WILL be, above all, a fun show. Promise. Ooh, time is going to pass so quick, I'd better start getting ready for the fun. :D

toothpaste tubes squeezed out love.

what kind of name is antebellum?

Yesterday as I was swimming I gave myself a pep talk abt buckling down to study (AUP). Cos it's getting to that almost last resort stage where... I really won't finish. So I picked up from where I left off... and as I sat there, book on table, earphones in, concentrating hard.. my mind wandered to a land far far away. I thought of the quiet green.

It's April now and the flowers must be blooming and spreading their pollen in places they shouldn't be. And sometimes, just sometimes... the world seems way too big.

There are strange pictures of a girl who looks like me on fb. It's strange. an out of body experience. Although I'm very sure if I was born way back then.. I probably wouldn't look like that. Same heart though.

I'm so tired. goodnight, world. good morning, world.

sliding doors.

Got the list of Brownies accepted today, and none of the ones I interviewed were on the list. Hope they had other places to go, other people to see. When I interviewed them, I thought, not bad. (some, not all) haha. Don't think I was any different from them when I interviewed. Probably had thoughts that were even more scattered. Totally no idea what to do with my life. (not that I do now. but still.)

If i didn't get there... wonder where I'd be, who I'd be. Funny to imagine. No regrets, I'm sure if I went elsewhere I'd have no regrets either.. I'd probably have had a blast too. Just, different. This post is a little random. But I'm a tad awake, so I thought, might as well pop a note by here.